Cancer
by Soldier's Girl 27
Summary: Cancer. That terrible word was enough to make my heart stop beating and my world stop spinning. The physical damage was way too easy to hide. But the emotional damage was far too visible for any soul not to reconize.
1. Chapter 1

Cancer

Cancer. A terrible word, that sounds so much less terrible than it actually is. I went to the doctor that day, just to get a normal check up. And that's when the doctor told me that I had Cancer. Just that one word for that one second, made my heart stop beating, and my world stop spinning. Besides my parents, Eli couldn't know. I couldn't do that to him. Not now at least. Everything was going perfect. I couldn't die knowing that I was the reason he couldn't be happy again. I couldn't bare to live with the guilt. So when I was out of school for a week, I said it was the flu. It would be an excuse for the physical damage. But the emotional damage, was far too visible.

So that day when Eli came to visit me in the hospital, my day dream was trashed and reality was staring at me straight in the eyes. That look on his face. Hurt. Broken. Was worse than having or experiencing Cancer. His eyes filled with tears as he saw the reality of what was really going on. "Why didn't you tell me?" his hurt voice questioned, now sounding angry. "I couldn't do that to you, after all that you've been through," I whispered staring him in his emerald eyes. I could tell that he didn't believe me. He just stood there and looked at me. After looking him in his now vulnerable eyes, I honestly didn't know what to expect.

He stood there, and just started to bawl. I felt so helpless. I flinched as I grabbed the IV and ripped it out of my arm, now standing up trying to comfort Eli. By this time he was pacing the room back and forth, hyperventilating. "Eli, you need to calm down," I whispered. I wrapped my arms around him, as he cried into my shoulder. It was a scene that you would see in one of those sad lifetime movies. Though the experience was much more painful in real life. I didn't realize how weak my legs had gotten, until they started to shake, threatening me to fall. Eli soon realized, and carried me to the bed. He was now sitting at the foot of the bed trying to regroup himself. I was now crying as I was watching him.

"Please lay down Eli, Please," I begged hopelessly. He now laid on the bed so that he was facing me, and he reached his rough hand in my hair, pulling a curly lock of my hair behind my ear. "Eli, I," I stammered as he interrupted me pulling my face close to his. "How long?" he asked sadly as he looked as if he knew the answer. I didn't speak. My eyes did all the talking. And his now did all the crying. "Why didn't you tell me" he asked in between sobs. "I-I," stammered. And he got up off the bed, leaving my world crumpled at the sound of his foot steps leading towards the door.

I followed him out of the door, now filled with rage. "What the hell Eli, You find out the girl you love has Cancer, and you just walk out on her?" I deadpanned angrily. "Look at me!" I screamed following him towards the parking lot. "What do you want me to do?" he screamed back as his voice cut husky patterns of hurt through her mind. "Do you want me to cuddle you and pretend like your not dying?" "Huh?" he yelled. By now he was pacing again. He stopped, mid pace, and let out the most agonizing scream, and then began sobbing. Right on the sidewalk was the love of my life crying because of me. He was so broken and hurt. I didn't want this to happen. I didn't know what to do after the fact, so I just ran.


	2. A Drug From an Entirely Different Source

A Drug From an Entirely Different Source

Everything was moving so quickly. Cars swished by as lights flickered. My breath got heavier, as I heard a faint calling of my name in the background. "Clare!" the familiar voice screamed. I ran faster. He didn't deserve this. He didn't do anything wrong. And now just like me, he was dying on the inside. I started to feel faint as my weak body gave into the ground, and the strong arms now carrying me. I was too weak and motionless to fight back. So, I just let him carry me to the car. My eyelids felt heavy, and I was now drifting off into a world of darkness.

I woke up to a familiar place with cream colored walls. "Where am I?" I mumbled, my soft voice croaking . My eyes opened to Eli sitting beside me holding my hand. I could tell that he had been crying. His eyes were red and swollen. I guess he saw me staring, because he now started wiping his eyes. "How are you feeling?" he asked softly. "Tired," I whispered yawning. 

He held my hand tight as the tension floated around the room. "Look Clare, I'm sorry about what happened back there, "he said as his eyes were welling with tears. " Why, Eli?" "Do you think this has been easy for me?" I deadpanned. "Do you know how hard I was trying not to worry anyone?" "Especially you." "You don't deserve this, you shouldn't have to be worried all the time about me." I croaked as my voice started to give out as tears danced down my cheeks. He got up and slowly walked toward my bed. He laid next to me, resting his face on my pillow. 

His face was so close to mine, I could feel his warm breath lingering on my cheek. 

"I'm sorry," he stated. "It's just not everyday that you hear the person you love the most is dying," he choked. "I just didn't know how to deal." "God, I wish I could take it all back Clare," he said as he started to sob. I hugged him, pulling him closer to me. I grabbed his face, so that he was now looking at me, and brushed his fresh tears away with my thumb. He smirked, his signature smirk, and I knew that there was hope. He then kissed me, sending electricity through my body. The passion was mind blowing, and we said all we needed to say in that kiss. He held me tight. For now this was as good as it was going to get.

He visited me everyday, and day after day I started to feel better. Eli Goldsworthy was an a drug from an entirely different source. One that you can't prescribe. The good stuff that has you feeling no pain. Very rare, but intoxicating. Addicting, yet subtle. The kind of medicine you can't buy off the street, or at the pharmacy. The kind that is made by the source of love. Like a cure that makes your trouble go away, and almost kind of makes you remember how things used to be.


	3. Chapter 3

Killing Cells

Everything is going great so far. Well besides having Cancer. Eli visits me everyday and I start to feel worse. Emotionally, I feel amazing. But physically, I'm slowly, painfully dying. But I can't show it. Eli would be a wreck, worrying about me all the time. I was starting to lose my hair do to the radiation. Everyday, it was becoming more visible that I was dying. I cried as I looked down at the pillow, noticing several large clumps of hair. I asked the nurse if she would shave it off for me.

After she was done, I felt my cold, smooth head. I looked into the mirror, and cried. I didn't recognize the person staring back at me. I felt so bare, so ugly. I only could imagine what Eli's reaction will be. When he first saw the "new me," I think he tried to pretend that it wasn't real. But slowly, I knew it was eating him up inside. When I saw the look on his face, I tried not to cry. I had to be strong for him. He couldn't see what I was hiding. Not yet anyway. I had plum colored bruises covering my body, and each day I was losing myself more and more. He kept telling me that he knew that I would get better. I wonder if he truly believed that.

He felt my head, and came to the realization that my hair was gone. "I'm ugly Eli, you don't have to pretend that I still look good," I cried. "Clare, please stop, you'll always be beautiful to me," he replied soothingly. I cried into his arms, and then he urgently removed himself from my grip and left. But he didn't grab his jacket. I heard the bathroom door swing open, and heard a loud buzzing noise, similar to the one I heard earlier that day. "Eli?" I questioned nervously.

The buzzing went on for about a good five minutes, until Eli stepped out bald, with dark strands of hair clinging to the back of his shirt. "Oh my god, Eli!" "What did you do?" I screamed. "Well, I thought your hairstyle was very cool, and decided to follow the trend," he replied sarcastically with his signature smirk plastered on his face. I jumped up, using all my strength and hugged him tightly. I don't think he would ever know how he made me feel. His love was like one thousand butterflies flapping in my heart. I didn't need money. Friends. Or the biggest house in the world. All I needed was his love. We didn't need the world, just each other.

I kissed him passionately as he hugged me pulling me closer. If I could just stay like this forever, I would. But unlike fairytales, there aren't always happy endings. Sharp pains shot through my heart as I started gasping for air. "Nurse!" Eli yelled trying to hold me up. "Her heart is slowing down!" the doctor screamed as he was now hooking up tubes into my body. I was slowly drifting away into an unknown dark world, and I thought, this isn't how it was supposed to be.


	4. Detox

Detox

I woke up hearing the doctor talking to my parents. I struggled to keep my eyes open. "This was a very close call, she's overtired and needs to rest," his reassuring voice comforted. "Eli," I thought. I looked over and across my room and there was Eli slouched on a chair sleeping. His eyes were red and puffy. To say the least, he looked like hell. It pained me to see him so messed up because of me.

My thought was interrupted when my parents flung to my side. "Oh, Clare honey how are you feeling?" my mom cooed. "I'm okay," I said as my dad tucked a piece of my curly auburn hair behind my ear. Eli turned in his chair, and rubbed at his eyes. My parents saw my gaze that lead toward him and excused themselves to get some coffee.

"Did you get some rest sleepyhead?" he asked sarcastically. "How could I get some sleep with you snoring over there?" I chuckled. He laughed and smirked that signature smirk that made my stomach flutter. The moment was harshly bombarded by his soft voice whispering, "You scared me." I looked him in his emerald eyes as his face was suddenly flooded by tears. "I know, the doctor said that I just needed rest," I assured. But something about that statement bothered me. I don't know if it was the fact that I didn't believe it, or the fact that I knew he didn't either.

"Ok, well then I'll leave you to get some rest," he stated getting up and grabbing his jacket. "Please, don't leave," I begged. "Ok, but only because you begged," he smirked as he lay down on the bed next to me. We sat there and talked about random stuff. Emotionally I was so high, that words couldn't describe the feeling. But physically I was just tired. Tired of hiding from Eli. Tired of hurting. Tired of trying to convince myself that everything was going to get better.

"I have to show you something," I blurted out. I rolled up my sleeve and showed him the bruises. His mouth dropped and he touched one of the bruises and I flinched at the contact. Tears rolled down his eyes and this time he didn't try to hide them. I tried to comfort him, but I guess it was just too much for him. And later that day when I started coughing up blood, he cracked. Blood was everywhere, and I was having a hard time staying calm. He started sobbing uncontrollably. And then he started hyperventilating so bad that they had to give him an oxygen mask. I couldn't do this to him anywhere.

That's why I had to this. I quickly wrote the note with tears streaming down my face. _Dear Eli, I love you I more than you will ever know, that's why I have to do this. You're going to be upset, but please hear me out. I couldn't let myself be the reason why you are unhappy. By the time you get this, I will be gone. I'm not going to tell you not to look for me, because I know you will. I will give you a hint to who I will be staying with. "I'm losing everyone that I love." I'm going to be at a hospital, so please don't worry about me. I love you so much and I can't allow myself to keep hurting you. And when you love someone , you make sacrifices. I want you to be happy. Love, Clare._

Eli awoke from his sleep and discovered the note. "Mr. and Ms. Edwards!" he screamed. "She's gone!" he said as tears frolicked down his face.


	5. Building Up Immunity

Building Up Immunity

I walked into the busy airport, getting ready to board my plane. It took all my strength not to turn around and go back to the hospital. "Plane 3B is getting ready to board." The announcer roared. I promised Eli that I wouldn't leave him, but promises weren't meant to be kept. "Clare!" a masculine voice screamed. "Sir, you can't go back there," the flight attendant screamed as the boy continued to run towards me.

"Eli," I said softly. He slowly walked up to me, now staring at me in my blue orbs. His green emeralds were filled with unspoken words. He urgently pulled me into a tight hug. I couldn't help but think, "This was how it was supposed to be." Being in his arms, I couldn't help but feel better. "Let's get you back to the hospital," his smooth voice soothed. I pulled away. "I'm not going back!" I stated firmly.

"Clare, we need to go!" he yelled. "What I need to do is get as far away from the hospital as I can." I screamed back. I could tell that he was starting to get impatient. But going back would remind me of what I was doing to him, and the guilt would be too much to handle. I started walking toward the exit and out the airport. "Why are you doing this?" he growled, trailing behind me. "I can't keep hurting you," I whimpered. "What the hell are you talking about?" he questioned sounding tired. I'm talking about the other day when you were crying because of me." I whispered. "Clare, that's crap and you know it," he said unconvincingly. I could hear the doubt in his voice.

"Tell me that you weren't crying because of me!" I yelled, my voice booming like thunder. Eli stopped dead in his tracks, his eyes traveling down to his shoes. "Tell me!" I screamed loudness of my voice turning into uncontrollable sobs. My body crashed down to the pavement causing me to cry harder. My crying was soothed as I pair of strong arms wrapped around me."Shh!" he soothed, pressing his lips to my smooth head. "You can't keep blaming yourself for what you can't control," he bellowed.

His smooth voice sent vibrations across my head as I absorbed his words like a hopelessly dry sponge. With his arms wrapped around me, I was sent back into a world where fairy tales existed and everyone always lived happily ever after. In that moment I was so high off of his love, that it didn't matter that good guys don't always win and that adults weren't indestructible. I guess you could say that I was living in my own fairytale.

I drifted off into a sleep as the soft motion of the car soothed my tense body. I woke up to a bright light as my eyes scanned the room for Eli. He was at the door talking with my doctor, the doctor was shaking his head and Eli was standing there fidgeting. I noticed that his right knuckle uncurled its fist back into his hand again. Eli and the doctor turned toward me and proceeded to walk in my direction. "Ms. Edwards, I have some news," he gently spoke. My blue eyes fixated on him as he was just about to speak. Eli's hand found its way over to mine and squeezed it gently. I wasn't emotionally prepared for what was about to come out of the doctor's mouth. Please Review!


	6. Cure

Cure

"The nurses have run some tests and it seems as though your Cancer is going away." He stated. "You still have Cancer and at any time it could kill you," "But it seems to be going away with the chemotherapy." "We are going to put you on a higher dose of it." "You're going to be tired and very weak for a couple of days, but the Cancer should be gone by then," he stated. He gently patted my hand and left the room.

I turned towards Eli and began crying as he wrapped his arms around me. "Clare, everything is going to be okay," he soothed. "No, Eli it's not," I cried. "I don't want to be tired and weak anymore." "So you want to die?" he questioned. "Of course not," "It just feels," I dragged. "Like I'm already dead," I whimpered. "Fine," he growled angrily as he pulled away from my embrace. "Then die then," he yelled. "Dead or alive," "You're never going to be happy!" he screamed as he stood erect, leaving the room. Tears streamed down my face along with my hope.

I pulled out my cellphone and called a cab. As mad as I was at Eli, there was something not right about him today. I waited outside as the cab pulled up and I hopped in. "Just keep driving, I'm kind of looking for someone," I ordered. "Stop!" I screamed as the cab screeched to an abrupt stop as I spotted Eli's hearse at the cemetery. I gave the money to the cab driver and jumped out. It started to rain as I walked over to Eli who was kneeling down crying. I looked at the gravestone that read "Julia Scavetta." I put my arm around Eli as he sobbed into his hands. "Happy Birthday Julia," he whispered.

After a few minutes he got up and started towards Morty. We both sat in Morty as he drove towards my house. He parked the car in my driveway, and sat there with his head lying on the steering wheel. I rubbed his back gently with the palm of my hand and he shrugged it away. I knew how he was feeling. He just wanted to be alone. But he didn't leave me when I was in the hospital, and I wasn't going to leave him now. So I just sat there. And then he started violently sobbing. I reached my hand over to his and gently squeezed it. It was then when he squeezed my hand back, that I knew we were going to be okay.

He got out of the car and walked me to my door. "Look I'm sorry about what I said earlier," he started as I cut him off with a passionate kiss. We ended up in my room kissing heavily on my bed. Eli pulled away. "Maybe we should stop," he stated. "Please Eli," "I want to feel you." "I need to feel something to know that you haven't given up on me yet," I cried as he pushed me back on the bed, covering my body with his as his heat radiated my body. Our clothes were gone and as he pressed into me, the pleasure was so intense. I felt such warmth and it was almost as if when I was with him, he made all the bad things go away. I guess you could say he was my cure.

We walked toward Morty, planning to return to the hospital. Eli pulled out of my driveway and smiled at me as we turned onto the road. He leaned in to kiss me as a truck swerved hitting the front of Morty. And then everything went black. Please Review!


	7. Small Steps

Small Steps

I woke up in a familiar room with creamy yellow walls. I rubbed my eyes as I tried to remember how I got here. I looked over in the chair next to me and saw Eli looking at me. His arm was broken along with his smirk. I reached for his hand, but he pulled away coldly. "What's wrong?" I questioned. "We can't do this anymore?" he stated firmly. "Do what?" "What the hell are you talking about?" I growled. "You got hurt because of me, you could've been killed," his voice croaked. "You can't blame yourself for what you can't control, remember?" I mocked. "I love you, and this is why I can't be with you," he said now crying. And then he walked out of my world. But it's ok. I knew he'd be back. Well at least that was what I thought.

I sat in the hospital bed that night with his words ringing in my head. I called him over and over, but he continued to ignore me. "Damn it!" I screamed at my phone. I called a cab and ordered it to bring me to Eli's house. He was outside working on Morty at 11:00. I guess I wasn't the only one who couldn't sleep. "Eli!" I yelled. He opened Morty's hood and ignored me. "I'm going to stay here until you talk to me." I stated, now standing on his porch. "Clare, go home," he screamed. "No," I said firmly as Eli walked towards me. He grabbed the keys to his dad's car and picked me up and put me into it. I was tired of fighting with him.

He dropped me off at the hospital and my cast rubbed against the hard pavement as I tried to walk to the door. Eli got out of the car and grabbed my arm trying to help me. I pulled my arm away. "Don't," I deadpanned. I tripped on a rock and my face met with the ground. He reached his hand down and pulled me up. "Are you okay?" he questioned. "I'm fine," I growled. I walked to the automated doors and looked back one last time before I was greeted by a friendly nurse. There was something different about his eyes. They were softer, perhaps sadder than usual.

"Clare," he said softly, causing me to turn around. "I want you to know that I love you." "And no matter what happens, that's never going to change," he cooed. "If you loved me, then you would've stayed" I screamed back with hurt in my voice as tears ran danced down my face. I continued to walk towards the hospital. I got to my room and sat there. He hurt me so badly. I looked in my bag for the sleeping pills the doctor gave to me. I didn't want to suffer anymore. The sad thing was that I wasn't suffering from Cancer, I was suffering from Eli. I swallowed three of the little blue pills and drifted off into a world of darkness. You have to put yourself out there to be loved. And sometimes you had to be on the edge of death to find what you've been looking for.

Eli received an urgent call from the hospital. He slammed Morty's door and made his way to Clare's room. "Small steps," he thought as he eased his way down the hall.

**Hey Guys! Sorry about not uploading sooner. I've just been really busy! Hit that little button and tell me what you think! :) Any one up for chapter 8?**


	8. Savior

Savior

*Eli's POV*

I cautiously walked in her room and sat down. Her milky skin was sickly pale. She looked at me. Her soul drowning in her vibrant blue orbs. She looked so lifeless. I reached my hand out to touch hers. I had to make sure she was real. I was hoping that she would squeeze my hand or do something to let me know that she hadn't given up. But she didn't. "I'm sorry." I croaked trying not to cry. "I almost killed myself and you're sorry?" Her soft voice squeaked. "I need you and I want you to need me too." She stated sadly. "Why can't you just need me?" She questioned as tears began to dance down her face.

"I do need you!" I shouted. "Prove it!" She yelled back. I pushed my lips roughly against hers and she kissed back, our mouths moving rhythmically with each other. We pulled away and her face softened. "Don't leave me." She begged as I lay down next to her on the hospital bed. "Never." I whispered into the crook of her neck as we fell asleep together.

*Clare's POV*

With his strong arms wrapped around me, he was my protective armor. He was my savior. Or at least that was what I thought. He started thrashing his arms as he screamed, "I didn't mean to!" "I'm sorry Jules!" I shook him gently as he woke up panting. "What was that about?" I questioned curiously. "Nothing." He answered simply as he sat up in the bed. "I should go." He stated as he got up and put on his shoes and his favorite leather jacket. "Are you sure everything is ok?" I asked worriedly. "Everything's fine." He said as he kissed me on the cheek and left.

I woke up with an anxious Eli sitting in the chair next to my bed. "Where were you?" He questioned intensely. "I called your hospital phone three times." He stated. "Probably sleeping." I replied back rubbing my eyes as I began to stand up. "Where are you going?" he growled. "To the bathroom." "Want to come?" I snarled back. He was so intense and in my face. He wasn't usually like this. Something wasn't right with him. I got back and Eli was sitting there waiting for me.

He wrapped his arms around me. "I've missed this." He said warmly. "Me too." I said uneasily. He held on to me tighter. It was almost as if he thought I was going to fly away. "Eli," "I'm not going anywhere." I stated. "That's what they all say." He started as he pulled me back into him. I plastered on a fake smile. I was naïve to think that this would be the worst of his behavior.

**Hey Guys!.. Sorry I haven't updated in a while!...But now I'm back!..Please review and tell me what you think :) Anyone up for Chapter 8? :)**


End file.
